It's
been years that you've been together. You still love and cherish each other.
But routine and predictability have become the order of your day. Familiarity
has settled over your sexual relationship like an old, comforting blanket. And
something's gone out of your life.
What?
When you place your finger on it, you know it's that indefinable quality that
provided the spark, the thrill, the body and soul-thumping passions of those
early days together. Your sex life has become more predictable, less
spontaneous. You hate to admit it; but there's no getting away from it: the
glow has begun to dim.
And
you've begun to wonder: is this the lull before the dull?
So,
if your sex life is worth some of your while, here are suggestions that can
help you light a new fire even if all you see right now is the valiant flicker
of dying embers!
1. Another time, another place: If you've tried every
possible position, now try a change of place. To start with, there's a whole
range of furniture to exhaust beyond the bed. Have you tried the living-room
sofa, the dining table and each of the dining chairs sequentially? Then
there's: behind the blinds, under the shower or in the tub - anywhere, except
near a kitchen fire.
There's
almost an air of impropriety about love-making in places other than the bed -
and that's the very quality that makes them such deviously delightful
possibilities and adds that edge of a new adventure to an old pastime.
2. Now try a change of pace: The traditional height of
machismo has been forceful - even, vigorous penetration, followed by a piston
performance. Men in the particular harbor the misconception that every sexual
encounter progresses relentlessly from a crescendo of passion to the climax of
orgasm.
Revise
that notion. You can get instant gratification without a partner. But you're a
twosome: so, make the most of that by using delayed gratification, teasing and
tantalizing your way to the heights. Go slowly, remember that to use a touch
more often builds up the sexual tension more gradually.
3. Make a date: Sounds corny after 15
years of married life? But, in our crowded, scurrying existences, if we leave
love-making to chance and impulse, other more 'demanding' jobs are likely to
elbow it out of the way. Instead, set aside a time (or times) during the week
when you will not permit anything else to intrude into your appointed hour
under the covers.
Scheduling
sex:
Does
it sound too mechanical? You may find it works out to be just the opposite.
Because you have to wait, you can fantasize about it. Anticipation and
expectation heighten the intensity. You can spend the whole day or the whole
week wondering about it, planning it, wishing it. Much as you used to look
forward to your dates in the days before you married.
4. Get away from it all: Changing your
love-making scenery is one way to pep up your sex life. When last did you take
a weekend off together? Very often, when you get out of the rut, you get a
whole new perspective on your love life - and the motivation to do something
about it.
5. Give and receive: Take turns in being the
aggressive partner. If you've always been the one to indulge in all the
foreplay, try giving your partner a chance to make some of the moves. Not by
saying, "Why don't you". Rather, touch or kiss him/her. Then retreat
- that gives your spouse a chance to respond. Try being the passive partner now
and again - you'll realize what you've been missing!
6. Discover the whole body: Expand your horizons. Sex
is not just the penis and the vagina. There's a whole array of erogenous zones
you may never have explored - from the mouth and the ears to the love button
and the underside of the feet.
And,
yes, in the case of women, there's the clitoris - the seat of their orgasm, the
fact that many men are on the vet to discover.
7. Take a new look at sex: Remember that sex is not
always orgasm on demand; it's not even always intercourse. If you can get rid
of this mindset, you may well find that other kinds of passion play bring
equally satisfying arousal. Try a sensuous massage. Or watching an erotic movie
in a tight cuddle or playing footsie over a candlelight dinner at your favorite
beachside café. All this is body talk. And isn't that what sex is about?
Clean
up your act: It's inevitable with some men and women that, when they begin to
take their partner or the relationship for granted, they slide into
carelessness and even slovenliness over their personal appearance and hygiene.
Cleanliness
is next to sexiness. Haven't you noticed - when you're freshly showered and
powdered/perfumed, you feel more sensual, even wanton? So, get fresh.
8. Finally, take it easy: Don't work too hard at
injecting new spontaneity into your old love life. Work doesn't work for sex!
Love-making
should be leisurely, relaxed, not a goal-oriented sexual performance. Sex is not a
circus, and you are not a performing flea. If you analyze, decode each move and
every response - such as either she groaned enough, or if his erection lasted
long enough - you'd forfeit all the enjoyment.
The
bottom line is that, to please your partner, you've got to be having a good
time yourself. So, put your heart into it - more than your sinews and your
sweat!
